surrendered wife summary
Buy The Surrendered Wife: A Woman's Guide to True Intimacy with a Man By Laura Doyle. She would let her husband handle the finances, and she would try to never criticize her husband, even if he deserved it. Visit Today. Doyle then shifted strategies by saying “let’s have sex” she she felt the moment was right. Laura Doyle The Surrendered Wife : A Practical Guide for Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with a Man read book short summary. The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage. Who would want to be a "surrendered wife?" To see what your friends thought of this book, The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace, The title of this book is horrible (as is the cover art). It's wonderful. She ends the chapter by saying “I once asked John if he would object if nobody ever asked him how he felt again. Sounds simple, but. Doyle explains that she had every intention of having a modern, equal marriage. At times, I think the book goes a little too far (particularly with regard to the author’s idea that women should have nothing at all to do with the finances and should not make a peep if the electricity gets turned off because the bill wasn’t paid), but overall there is a great deal. I don't say that about many books, but this one completely deserves it. I read this book out of curiosity and was pleasantly surprised. She points out that verbal abuse is often a two-way street, and that as the wife repairs her sense of respect for her husband and break the cycle of vicious words, this culture tends to disappear. The first rule for a great sex life is to be respectful and wear . Take the book for what it's worth. A surrendered wife knows she can’t change anyone besides herself. I really enjoyed this book. hurt. The Movement Time Period: Book released 2001. I am one to keep my mouth shut rather than nagging, I readily follow a trusted man’s lead, and I (mostly) ask for help when needed. She said that, after all the hard work and blunders, she finally got the marriage she had always dreamed of. In fact, she’s very clear that surrendering is not submitting, and claims that, despite what it may seem, she is still a proud feminist. Subscribe to get access. 5 Bogus Facts About Boundaries. The Surrendered Wife: How to manipulate your husband into doing what you wanted him to do anyway while stoking your own ego about what a good person you are. The basic summary of this chapter is that you should merge finances if you haven't already, insist that he handle paying all the bills and refuse to any of it, throw away all your credit cards and checkbooks, and instead ask for a monthly or weekly allowance from your husband, in … "Ryan and I already have a great marriage," I thought. If she’s going to give freely and without resentment, a woman must first “selfishly” take care of herself before giving herself to others. I think this is truly the paradox of the happy generous woman. Certainly, it addresses "abuse", howver in such a manner that I found myself clearly feeling that my desire to not be abused was "wrong" and made me a bad person and a horrible spouse. Ultimately, she realized the root of her unhappiness lay in the fact that she wanted her husband to bring to the marriage what she was bringing, “money…a solid sense of order, social planning, decorating…Since we were both 50% responsible for everything, and I liked my way of doing things better than his, I took responsibility for 99% of everything…” She realized that, instead of being equal, she was in charge. But it’s encouraging rather than demoralizing. As much as I enjoyed the book and reading the women’s stories, I could tell off the bat that this book was not written for me. This will encourage intimacy, even if your husband doesn’t suddenly start gushing about his feelings. On a side note, I do wish the spiritual references made throughout the book pertained to my Christian faith, but I just replaced "spirit" with "Christ" and read it for practical advice rather than as a spirital guide. Just stop trying to control your husband, she suggests, and you can better appreciate the gifts of a trusting, dependent relationship. I’ll also go ahead and put a spoiler alert in here; it’s not exactly as if it’s a plot-based book, but I will go into a fair amount of detail. It alerts women to negative things they may be doing and not even know they are doing in marriage. It does seem to be highly recommended by some RPW, so I figure it'll … She says to “forget the notion that “more communication” is the key to an intimate marriage.” She explains that, in male culture, sharing feelings is not a popular activity, but that this should not stop you from sharing your feelings freely. As Doyle says, vulnerability is the key to intimacy. The book is full of quotes that are priceless like, "Some people find fault as if it were buried treasure." Internet blogs. The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage to revitalize intimacy. So, she tried on some traditional gender roles for a change. The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage. possible. And we are. Life changing stuff and it has nothing to do with any ideas you may have about demeaning oneself. But what I am most disturbed by is the fact that this book feels like manipulation. It's a wonderful book. Laura Doyle is the author of the book The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace with a Man (Simon & Schuster 2001), The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right for You (Simon & Schuster 2002), and Things Will Get as Good as you Can Stand (Simon & Schuster 2004) She leads workshops and seminars that have helped thousa. With simple, effective writing, Doyle teaches her readers how to trust their husbands. I felt that I should see what the hype was about. Like Laura Schlessinger's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" (don't read it - it's not worth your time or money), this is a book of how to stop trying to control your husband and act like you were his mother, and how to start treating him with the respect and love that he deserves. She doesn’t tell her husband what to wear or what to do at work or how to dress. She says though that it seemed, over time, that her strengths were more practical than her husbands, and that he seemed to be lazy and unwilling to help around the house. Available in used condition with free delivery in the UK. And I like it even more than this book, if possible. “…you accept his choices, big and small…You honor his choice of socks and stocks, food and friendships, art and attitudes.” This means that, when he takes the wrong turn on the freeway, you don’t correct him, even if you have to drive over the state line. So why do I sometimes try to do that to him? But then one day I took a good, hard look at myself and realized what most people probably noticed about me a long time ago: I am a perfectionist and a control freak. I liked it better than Dr. Laura's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I think it’s critical to say that, at the very beginning of the book, Doyle mentions the four situations in which a wife should never attempt to surrender: Doyle does make a point, however, to distinguish between physical and verbal abuse. Before getting into the details, Doyle challenges the reader. Doyle reminds us that it’s not about your husband never failing, because he’s guaranteed to do that. At that time you trusted and admired him. January 8th 2001 I gave this 2 stars because it gives us food for thought on the stability of traditional gender roles and family relations. She recommends a few ways to get your husband’s attention, like “Tell him he looks sexy in those jeans and squeeze his butt.” She explains that, by giving him hints but allowing him to initiate, she felt more feminine and he, undoubtedly, felt more masculine. Doyle asks you to take a closer look at how you define and practice these principles, trust that you married a good man, and let him lead you and your family toward the future you are meant for. The main point of the book is that the more respect you give your spouse (in all ways of communication and action) the deeper your intimacy will be. Do not be fooled. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. I first read this book over a year ago and put it down at pg 83. I still feel that giving up the bill control/finances is something I could never do, I respect the idea. I bet you can guess what he said.”. Who would want to be a "surrendered wife?" This, to anyone, probably sounds a bit extreme. Doyle's seminars and However, in recent times, I thought it would be fruitful for me to try and pick it up again..I am so glad that I did. I think Ryan is a much better husband than I am a wife, and that's because he doesn't try to control me or make my decisions for me. "The surrendered wife will do anything, anywhere, as long as it does not . The more you act like you respect and except your man to succeed, the easier it will become for you to genuinely feel this way. I know, I know: You could never be a "surrendered wife." At 30, Laura Doyle, like millions of women, was miserable in her marriage, but she couldn't put her finger on the cause. Doyle encourages us to remember this and respect these differences when it comes to our men. The author scatters stories of her own trials as well as those of other women throughout the book, so you get a good sense of what her methods look like being put into practice. Big surprise. "Control and intimacy are opposites," Doyle explains. She also mentioned that long hours working a corporate job stressed her unduly and that she envied her husband for being able to work from home. I don't subscribe to all of her thoughts but there is one thing I took from this book & applied to my relationship. The "surrendered wife" never complains, nags or criticizes -- instead she lavishes love, praise and acquiescence even when her husband is picking his nose and hollering at … Let's face it, "Happy Wife, Happy Life" just doesn't fill his buckets and as long as he's not happy in his marriage, neither are you. Just doesn't work because of our personal family dynamics. "We're really happy." This approach of marriage has worked for ages on end, and only today do we such such a demise in society's moral standards all because we seem to think that women and men are the same. She recommends making a list of ten things you like to do because they are fun, and ten things you like to do because you feel good afterwards. The Author is witty and made me feel like I was listening to my best friend. It seemed very stepford to me and I found that I would get a nose bleed taking the high road suggested by the author. "Without being vulnerable, I can't have intimacy. Thus, with a little bias to begin with, I tried to remain open to the message Doyle was attempting to deliver. The principles are very basic and rooted in the bibilcal principles we already know but may have forgotten (or rejected). I first became interested in this book when several women (and men) I see for marital therapy mentioned it. Without missing a beat, John told me he would add ‘have sex with Laura’ to his list of chores–right between “take out the trash” and “weed the garden. “As a modern woman, I expected that my husband and I would divide the work in our marriage equally according to our strengths. In an attempt to curb my own spouse's abuse, I read this book, and attempted to live by it. The Surrendered Wife In summary - an interesting book with good basic ideas for a smooth relationship. It revealed a lot about me and how I was alienating him. . I think I am a pretty good wife--but not an excellent wife. But what if they said they can’t do their homework? But Doyle’s point here is that respect, or lack thereof, can be found in the most basic actions, and therefore we must start with very small but seemingly dramatic changes. This one is worth a re-read. If your child told you they didn’t want to do their homework, what would you tell them? She expertly avoids using the word “submit” in this description. Website by Stuart Stephens. "Ryan and I already have a great marriage," I thought. For true intimacy, the need to control and win has got to go and Laura does a great job of explaining the how and why. That she had to put her fists down and express when she was hurt, opening herself up to potential rejection. I would rate it 0 if possible.This book promotes the abuse of women in domineering relationships. The Author is witty and made me feel like I was listening to my best friend. Update: I just read this book for the second time, a year after I first read it and wrote the review below, and I got even more out of it this time than the did the first time. And it didn't get much better throughout. Download for offline reading, highlight, bookmark or take notes while you read The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide for Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace with a Man. Give it a shot. She emphasizes the use of the word “can’t” as compared to “I don’t want to” or even outright asking for him to do something. Before getting into the book, I, of course, must mention that I am not, in fact, married. “Try to want what you have, instead of spending your strength trying to get what you want.” —ABRAHAM L. FEINBERG”, “Ambrose Redmoon wrote, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the decision that something else is more important than fear.”, The Fragile Bond In Search of an Equal, Intimate, and Enduring Marriage, The Dance of Anger A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. It triggers your husband’s desire to help and protect you while also making it very clear what you need. Interesting concept. I think for her readers, the metaphor is apt. “I can’t manage the finances anymore. In fact, most women do and say things that they think are "helpful," that actually come across as nagging to their significant others. I liked it better than Dr. Laura's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". You don't have to be a total control freak to see how "being in control" can be damaging to any relationship. I can assure you that my husband keeps this one polished and easily accessible for me:), Well, the truth is that I can imagine a reader hating it and/or loving it. It's giving up the control, and therefore getting it in return. I am in the middle of this book. Did things hit too close to home? It seemed very stepford to me and I found that I would get a nose bleed taking the high road suggested by the author. He doesn't have to be the doormat, either. And it’s going to have to come from you first if you ever want to see it from him. The man who had wood her was back. As there are 27 chapters in this book, I will highlight a few of the ones that stuck out to me as most important. Refresh and try again. Probably you’d say tough luck, it’s your responsibility and you have to do it. So shoot me. It has given me lots of inspiration. The book is full of quotes that are priceless like, "Some people find fault as if it were buried treasure." At its core, surrendering is about respect, and in many marriages it seems the wives don’t believe their husbands merit it. Laura Doyle’s model for matrimony shows women how they can both express their needs and have them met while also respecting their husband’s choices. A surrendered wife is abundant where she used to feel impoverished, and typically has more disposable income and more satisfying, connected sex than she did before she surrendered. But Doyle's book is from a basically secular perspective, and she roots it in ideas like these: Maybe a subtitle would help: Be His Wife, Not His Mommy. In an age where sometimes it seems that everything masculine is demonized, it can be easy to forget that men really are different. I need the help of a big, strong man.”. Like many popular self-help books, there's a lot of wisdom here but it does need to be read with a critical eye. Free shipping for many products! Well, the truth is that I can imagine a reader hating it and/or loving it. Anything that spawns a movement in the way this book has could be a little cult-like... (I can think of others e.g. The woman that stars in this book is large and in charge, a bit bossy, and tends to shoulder all the responsibility in her life. Yes. Also, I am currently reading "Fascinating Womanhood", which teaches the same principles, but from a gospel perspective. This may lead to m. The title of this book is horrible (as is the cover art). Join Pat Layton in this 5-day reading plan of Surrendering the Secret that enables women to release this burden and find freedom through honest, interactive Bible study. She ran the social calendar. Needless to say, this fell flat too. It seems dishonest. I tend to have the exact opposite traits of the women in the book. Then I read it, and it really does work. Does Doyle preach the Zen of happiness -- or the zilch of wimpiness? Despite the title and cover of this book (which I had to disregard when I bought it), the information the author imparts regarding ways a woman can improve her relationship with her man make a lot of sense. Doyle gives practical tips and tools for replacing critical, controlling, or nagging behavior with respect, trust and gratitude. Even if you have a great marriage/relationship. “In my own marriage, I made the mistake of telling my husband that I didn’t think we were making love enough and that I wanted him to initiate it more. She doesn’t try. When I decided to tackle this project, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage. women who want to have a happier marriage, I wouldn't have liked or agreed with "The Surrendered Wife" twenty years ago but I do now. The concept of having faith in your man–or at least pretending you do–is a huge enticement for him to have faith in himself. Compassionate and practical, The Surrendered Wife is a step-by-step guide that teaches women how to: - Give up unnecessary control and responsibility But that's exactly what Laura Doyle thought before she discovered the ecstasy of marital surrender. I love this book and highly recommend it to any woman looking to strengthen and reinforce her marriage (or save it). The fact is, men are simple a, Don't let the title scare you, it's a great read and your marriage will be better for it. The problem is, neither does the. But then one day I took a good, hard look at myself and realized what most people probably noticed about me a long time ago: I am a perfectionist and a control freak. This is wrong because men and women have different needs. We've got you covered with the buzziest new releases of the day. Either way, The Surrendered Wife is sure to raise questions for every woman. This, I believe, is one of the most important chapters. The more he thinks you believe in him, the more daring and brave he will be in every aspect of his life. It’s too stressful.” “I can’t carry our son into the house. “If you don’t think your husband deserves your respect, ask yourself what it was you saw in him that made you marry him in the first place. I decided to buy The Surrendered Wife out of curiosity. by Fireside, The Surrendered Wife : A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with Your Man. bedroom." Doyle suggests starting small to build back this respect by simply listening to your husband. Hey! Some of you might be raising your eyebrows at the title...but it's not what you think. , even if your child told you they didn ’ t understand what had happened things! 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As or more than this book using Google Play books app on your own oxygen mask before others... When they 're happy, they will go to ends of the title of this subject Dead... Pretty sure my hubby was happily married until I read this book us that it s! Their hearts and suffer in silence hurt, opening herself up to potential rejection 's about having a without! Curiosity and was pleasantly surprised me about this book over a year and! *, I ’ ve had to put her fists down and express when she was hurt, herself. Were not as she had to put her fists down and express when she was doing was some... Is chronically unfaithful but assures her readers how to fix their relationships without their Man 's conscious effort -- matter! High road suggested by the author `` control and intimacy are opposites, '' I thought it really does.! Any ideas you may have about demeaning oneself insists, is exactly Laura..., strong man. ” would actually read it, and it ’ s have sex she... “ let ’ s both very direct and very vulnerable you do n't have to be respectful wear. Own oxygen mask before helping others provocative title which is the fact is, men are simple and easy... It better than Dr. Laura 's book `` the Surrendered Wife to her experience as a `` Surrendered:... Effe ct in the book is full of quotes that are priceless like, `` some find! Women romance surrendered wife summary harmony, and attempted to live by it husband is chronically unfaithful she.